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Funny Quotes by Dane Cook
- When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like,…
- I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
- I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody.
- Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
- When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
- Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and…
- I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head.
- I get so into the moment.
- Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
- I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
- If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.
- My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.
- I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
- I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember…
- Sometimes girls act all TNT Network because they know drama. Thats when guys get all TBS around you because we think its very funny.
- I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.
- Let's just turn off the lights and play a game called whos In My Mouth?
More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin