Dane Cook Quotes

101 quotes in 1258 categories

• When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like,…
• Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
• I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
• I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody.
• Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
• It was peace. Peace is when you would shake the hands of the people around you. And you knew peace was coming because the priest…
• On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No…
• When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love on like the same day - even Karen the…
• There's estrogen running through my veins!
• When you don't have love, it is like there's a party going on and everybody was invited except for you ... and you just happen…
• When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start…
• I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on…
• I say God bless you, I don't say bless you ... I am not the Lord, I can't do that.
• When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
• I don't know if I could kill someone with a frozen turkey because that is a lot of evidence to eat .... unless I found…
• What happens in Vegas, I'm telling everyone.
• Start each day out the holy way..with Christ Chex, it's a miracle in a bowl. Just open the box and you hear AHHHHH....and then a…
• Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and…
• Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
• Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

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