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Bet Quotes by Jack Handey
- I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows." Then they would get…
- I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the…
- If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and…
- I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are…
- I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those really high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
- If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
- Too bad you can't just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because…
- I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in…
- If you're an archeologist, I bet it's real embarrassing to put together a skull from a bunch of ancient bone fragments, but then it turns…
- I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb…
- I bet if you were a mummy wrapper in ancient Egypt, on thing you would constantly find yourself telling people would be, "Be sure, before…
- I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF!
- If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while how they really sort…
- I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes! Hey, better try…
- If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive you…
- If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening, I bet you would get…
- I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick "Americans"…
- I bet when they weren't fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye…
- If you were an ancient barbarian, I bet a real embarrassing thing would be if you were sacking Rome and your cape got caught on…
- If you make ships in a bottle, I bet the thing that really makes your heart sink is when you look in, and there at…
- If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
- I bet what happend was, they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then, that night, they burned the wheel.
- If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy." I bet it means…
- I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death.
- I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got Old Yeller, stay in the cellar."
More Ways to Read Bet Quotes by Jack Handey
More Bet Quotes
- Leroy bet me I couldn't find a pot of gold at the end, and I told him that was a stupid bet… — Rita Mae Brown
- It's never paid to bet against America. We come through things, but its not always a smooth ride. — Warren Buffett
- What is faith but a kind of betting or speculation after all? It should be, I bet that my Redeemer liveth. — Samuel Butler
- I have always considered "Pascal's Wager" a questionable bet to place. Any God worth "believing in" would surely prefer an honest agnostic… — Alan Dershowitz
- You bet I did and I enjoyed it. — Michael Bloomberg
- Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee who has a deep suntan, a 1-iron in his bag, and squinty… — Dave Marr
- When you can show concern about what matters to your customer, that's Business to Customer Loyalty, and you can bet on it,… — Albert Houtum-Schindler
- Never bet on baseball. — Pete Rose
- I bet if I give all my love then nothing's gonna tear us apart. — Drake
- I would say you might encounter many defeats but you must never be defeated, ever. In fact, it might even be necessary… — Maya Angelou
- I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows." Then… — Jack Handey
- It doesn't matter if people are playing jazz or writing poetry. If they want to be successful, they need to learn how… — Jonah Lehrer