"I bet when they weren't fighting, Vikings with……" — Jack Handey
"I bet when they weren't fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye pokings to fellow Vikings and lady Vikings."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Avoid Quotes
This quote is filed under Avoid Quotes,
one of 2,552 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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The aim of the wise is not to secure pleasure, but to avoid pain.
— Aristotle
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Foreignness is all around. Only in the heart of the heart of the country, namely the heart of the United…
— Margaret Atwood
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Like many modern poets, I tend to conceal rhymes by placing them in the middle of lines, and to avoid…
— Margaret Atwood
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I think I hate cynicism more than anything else. It's the curse of our age, and I want to avoid…
— Paul Auster
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Avoid problems, and you'll never be the one who overcame them.
— Richard Bach
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I'd love to remain a secret and still work, but I also want people to see the movies I'm in…
— Christian Bale
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Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
— Joey Adams
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My point is that perceptual bias can affect nut jobs and scientists alike. If we hold too rigidly to what…
— Martha Beck
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The argument of socialists, that people really want to share, beyond a reasonable level of charity, is rubbish, though it…
— Conrad Black
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Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you.
— William Blake
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If they want peace, nations should avoid the pin-pricks that precede cannon shots.
— Napoleon Bonaparte
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We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him.
— Napoleon Bonaparte
See all 2,552 Avoid Quotes »