“Water is like love, but love is not like water. No, because if it were, I’d be the camel of love.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I couldn’t have pulled it off if you hadn’t have pulled out all those years ago. So thanks, dad.” — Jarod Kintz Years ago Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to sell pepper to people in the salt mines. So while you’re busy selling pepper to the… — Jarod Kintz Bottled water Copy Share Image
“Writer’s block, I just drove around it four times. All my favorite writers live there.” — Jarod Kintz Writing Copy Share Image
“My ballsack contains Future People. I’m holding a Meet ‘N’ Greet this Saturday in Branson.” — Jarod Kintz Absurd Copy Share Image
“The earth has lots of love to give, if you just know where to dig. My advice is start in the cemetery.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Please don’t step on my penis. And pick it up off the floor if you see it’s fallen out of my pocket.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Loneliness is the unloneliest feeling in the world, as everyone has experienced it.” — Jarod Kintz Loneliness Copy Share Image
“Blankets could be used to represent the warmth and comfort of Libertarian ideals. And the world would be a better place, if… — Jarod Kintz Better place Copy Share Image
“Even if there were only seventeen syllables left in the universe, I still don’t think The Mythical Mr. Boo would write a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My initials are J.O.K., and then there is a silent "E" on the end. And not only is it silent, but it's… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You could get 50% wrong and you’d still get 50% right. That’s nearly half!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I work at a newspaper. I’m not a journalist; I’m a deliveryman. Well I will be, as soon as I get my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She likes her wine white, and that’s how I like my clam chowder. So chuggable!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“During those hours, I had zero social awareness, as I was asleep. All the joggers who waved at me while I was… — Jarod Kintz Social awareness Copy Share Image
“In Jacksonville, there are more childrenless children than fatherless children. Barely. But that’s one bad thing that’s actually a good thing.” — Jarod Kintz Bad thing Copy Share Image
“People who are wealthy and good looking don’t know the joy of working to conquer a woman. In the bedroom I can… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“I is not only a letter, I is me. So in that respect, I guess I am a simple guy.” — Jarod Kintz Respect Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like sandpaper, to smooth out a cat’s rough tongue. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave.” — Jarod Kintz Gardening Copy Share Image
