“If rubber bands played basketball, I’d tell them, You have to be better down the stretch.” — Jarod Kintz Basketball Copy Share Image
“Ben had never seen another hotel quite like The Mandrake. The valets were all dressed like Roman Centurions, the Doorman was dressed… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I’d like to write a screenplay about my grandpa, and I’d like my future grandson to play the part. Talk about a… — Jarod Kintz Movie Copy Share Image
“A banker is a man who will lend you the short sleeve shirt off his back and demand a long sleeve one… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t work security at the dodge ball factory, but I was a bouncer.” — Jarod Kintz Cybersecurity Copy Share Image
“I like when wind works. But in this depression, does anything work? If it’s not unemployed, it’s broken. When I hear the… — Jarod Kintz Depression Copy Share Image
“Cats are like walking brooms you can actually comfortably cuddle with.” — Jarod Kintz Cats Copy Share Image
“If my clone weren’t dead, or rather not in nonexistence, he would have probably killed me by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My grandma came over yesterday, and I had just jumped out of the shower, so I answered the door in my towel.… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“The day my dad left my mom and I was the second saddest day of my life. The saddest day was the… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“The best part about being a waiter is all that waiting. Use that time wisely. Try making it as an actor.” — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“Two mustaches walk into a bar, and the bartender said, “Can I get you a drink?” Both mustaches turned towards each other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are whiskers in my soup, and my spoon smells like my cat’s ass.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. Thats why I travel with a fishing pole, and erectile dysfunction medicine. — Jarod Kintz Fishing Copy Share Image
“For your birthday, I got you a box. Hooray! It’s empty, so you can fill it with whatever you want.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to perpetually feed the hungry, stop all wars, educate the masses, and ensure everlasting peace for all… — Jarod Kintz Peace Copy Share Image
“I need to get my wedding ring resized, because it still fits tight around my neck.” — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“My hush is lush. It’s drunk on its own greenness, just as I’m drunk on my blue silence. What would you say… — Jarod Kintz Silence Copy Share Image
“Don’t let your inability to see get in the way of your vision.” — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“Writer’s want to write something that’ll live forever. I don’t. What do I care if my writing lives forever if I won’t?… — Jarod Kintz Live forever Copy Share Image
