“I’ll make Chad to you. By that I mean I’ll leave late and come early.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I left my youth behind me. It peddled the bicycle while I rode on the handlebars.” — Jarod Kintz Youth Copy Share Image
“In the Tunnel of Desire, past the Tube of Destiny, lies the Turtle of Doubt. We all have to face that turtle,… — Jarod Kintz Doubt Copy Share Image
“In high school I attended a magnet school—for refrigerators.” — Jarod Kintz Education Copy Share Image
“There’s a relentless wave of WTF coming out of Washington DC.” — Jarod Kintz Washington dc Copy Share Image
“I don’t think I’d come off well on TV. But if you ever see me on, my advice is to add more… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As the sound a duck makes, I feel qualified to give medical advice. My wisdom will cost you some bread, but it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I got offended when she laughed, because she was showing pleasure, but she was also showing displeasure—in all the previous moments where… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“I consume knowledge like food. I prefer learning about fruits and vegetables.” — Jarod Kintz Education Copy Share Image
“I am the sphinx of love. But I didn’t used to be. I used to be a sphink—which has the head of… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I feel like this. Sometimes I feel like that. I wish I could be more specific, but that’s how I feel—vague.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If pens doubled as bullets, I bet few writers would want to write about war.” — Jarod Kintz War Copy Share Image
“I don't think any man could solve the world's problems overnight, myself included. You'd better give me at least two days.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to block a mouse hole. But something better that would not only block the hole physically, but… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“They say a sneeze is 1/10th of an orgasm. And you can’t fake a sneeze. Maybe that’s why I like sneezing into… — Jarod KIntz Marriage Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to barter with. I could trade my blanket for your sex, and everybody’s happy but the tax… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to communicate with dolphins. Be quiet! I’m trying to talk to the swimming mammals. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Social progress: for the same price as last year, I get a slimmer candy bar, less chips per bag, and I have… — Jarod Kintz Candy bar Copy Share Image
“I’m in the Just Under A Decade club. That’s how long it took me to get a four-year degree.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Last week I placed a hand-written sign in front of my neighborhood that read, “Lost Mustache. Please do not feed. If found,… — Jarod Kintz Cat lady Copy Share Image
