“A brick could be given as a graduation gift to a C student. It’s like here, welcome to a life in the… — Jarod Kintz Construction industry Copy Share Image
“I’m a person, you’re a person, and we should make love. That is, if you’re a person who’s also roughly ½ of… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“To the potluck I brought something I randomly found in my fridge. It was the source of the stink.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Batman’s cape would make a great canvas for a cave painting.” — Jarod Kintz Painting Copy Share Image
“I would take a trip down Memory Lane, but with gas prices sky high, forget about it.” — Jarod Kintz Gas prices Copy Share Image
“Just like trying to ice skate on two sticks of butter in the desert, my love for her melted and was no… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“My advice: Give it to whoever they are for, before whoever they are gets wherever they are going.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“His last name was Worthless. Or was that just the perfect word to describe him? Shouldn’t our names summarize who we are?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love a man who wears an eye patch. For me, Dress-Like-A-Pirate Day… — Jarod Kintz Once a year Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in religious ceremonies. After all, it is slightly better than using live human sacrifices.” — Jarod Kintz Religion Copy Share Image
“Is it better to pull someone, or push them to succeed? I have no idea, but will you be my slinky?” — Jarod Kintz Motivational Copy Share Image
“I met a man named Birthday. I didn’t tell him when I was born, because I thought that that one day in… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I make love like a leprechaun, and I cuddle like a rainbow—after a shower.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book called, “Son, I’m dying,” where I visualize the day my estranged dad calls me out of… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“Most employees are like interchangeable machine parts. When they show up to work, there is no trace of the person they replaced,… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“Drop by and knock on my bedroom window. My room is on the 13th floor. 1-12 are numbers on a clock, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about a superhero’s cape is it doubles as a blanket when your nemesis uses his freeze gun on you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll steal bodies, not to be Corporal Corpse, but to have access to a never-ending supply of laughter still left over in… — Jarod Kintz Humor Copy Share Image
“Women love to talk. I'll bet Van Gogh had a woman. And I'll bet she talked his ear off.” — Jarod Kintz Women Love Copy Share Image
“A brick is a banana. No it isn’t. Still, I think you should eat it anyway. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Why send roses? Wouldn’t it be more romantic to deliver a dozen orgasms? For only $19.95, I’ll deliver them to your woman… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m not good at talking. Can’t I just nod my way through a conversation? It’s better than nodding off.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I’ve always wanted to make love to a triangle, but I’m always two angles short. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
