My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell,… — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
A friend told me the longer you keep Romano cheese, the better it gets. So, I kept it three years. And this… — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three… — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me… — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
When you hire a person to plan your wedding, this does not include securing the groom. Plan to get married on Friday… — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different… — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the… — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
![“... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.” quote by Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/246/phyllis-diller-1622_children_if-they-your-children-write-their-names_2694747.jpg)
