No matter how you feel about your extended family or family gatherings you will be attending. This is because now the ultimate… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I used to have to do readings in church, and it was terrifying. I would never have my glasses. The words are… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
New York has made me so paranoid, too. Whenever I visit another city, I always act like I'm from there, so the… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I didn't think that it's something that would happen. I didn't think I would be in the position, emotionally or financially, to… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
![“I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.” quote by Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/81a/jim-gaffigan-580_beats_i-talk-kinda-slow-especially-for-the-nor_2333916.jpg)
![“I didn't think that it's something that would happen. I didn't think I would be in the position, emotionally or financially, to be able to do that. But I've been lucky [to have big family].” quote by Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/660/jim-gaffigan-580_able_i-didn-t-think-that-it-s-something-that_2943548.jpg)
