You know how on the evening news they always tell you that the stock market is up in active trading, or off… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I've never been struck by lightning as far as I know, so the Higher Power is treating me as well as even… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Another well-known Paris landmark is the Arc de Triomphe, a moving monument to the many brave women and men who have died… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I still think of myself as a newspaper guy and you live by deadlines in the newspaper world, so, they don't really… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I feel like I have more experience with publishing humor than pretty much any editor I'm going to be dealing with so… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
It is a well- known fact that although the public is fine when taken individually, when it forms itself into large groups,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Cyrus Pembridge, the Never Land’s captain, was widely regarded as the most incompetent man to comman a ship since the formation of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I would say that the single most important conclusion I reached, after traveling through Japan, as well as countless hours reading, studying,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You've read newspaper stories about elderly widows who die and leave their entire estates to their pet cats, right? Well, your cat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I actually kind of like Janet Reno. She seems like a nice enough lady. But when you're basically going through the entire… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Every year I write a tax advice column and I used to always make fun of that. One year, one of my… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom stalls, and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Speaking of food, English cuisine has received a lot of unfair criticism over the years, but the truth is that it can… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Denmark (also called Norway) is best known as the original home of the prune Danish as well as the Vikings, who wore… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. But that is no reason to bypass this beautiful country, whose… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
