Teenagers are bored. By everything. Show a teenager an actual volcanic eruption, in progress, featuring giant billowing clouds of smoke, hot rocks… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
People don't think of writers as sex objects. The women who write to me and suggest that we ought to have sex… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There are a number of people without whom I could not have written this book, but I hope you don't hold that… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
It is important to be nice. But sometimes niceness can be misconstrued as weak. Should we be nice to everybody? Should we… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The story you envision as you start out is always a great story; when the facts turn out to be different from,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If he (The New York Taxi Driver) talked to me, he might lose his concentration, which would be very bad because the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In Spain, attempting to obtain a chicken salad sandwich, you wind up with a dish whose name, when you look it up… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Here's a simple experiment that you might want to try if there is absolutely nothing else going on in your life. All… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
