“If radios and microwaves merged, then the ideal pop song would be three minutes, or the length of time a bag of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Everybody who is 100 was at one time 25. But not everybody who is 25 will live to see 100. Likewise, everyone… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to divide people. All men who oppose me should get on top of the blanket, and all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to foretell the future. And from all indicators, 2013’s going to be a blanket of a year. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don't know what love is, but I know what love isn't. Love isn't a peanut butter and tuna sandwich, because no… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Employment: I’ll trade my time and labor for your money. So time is not money, because money is time plus labor. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People ask me all the time, “Jarod, how come you are so much more romantic than anybody else?” And I say, “Simple.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The six squares of our love didn’t add up to a cube. Still, I took the oddly-shaped box down to the post… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love doesn’t spend its time watering your plants. But it might bubblegum swank monkey mouth with you—twice.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like I sell sausages to strange women. One at a time, and always covered with a condom (to keep… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Why did she want to see me for 15 minutes? I guess because half an hour was twice too long to say… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to keep me single. Not that I need any help from anybody or anything to stay single.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The last time I was there was the first time I was there, but it’s not the last time I’ll go there,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a rust-colored blur of movement, caught in a moment, and transformed from motion into a physical object. Studying this… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I turned my hand over just in time to avoid a slap on the wrist. I was applauded for my effort.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I saw a murder taking place, I almost didn’t have time to make coffee before stopping it. But thank God I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t go out tonight, because unfortunately I’m all tied up at the moment. I’m not busy, but I am kidnapped.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A writer should be a recluse. Why share words with a few friends in the moment when they can be written down… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to put silencers on all guns. That way war will be nothing more than a whisper in the future. And… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d say my writing voice is original, and I don’t think you’ll find another quite like it. This makes me sad, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At the time of the murder, I had an airtight alibi: I spent the night in a Ziploc bag.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I took a shortcut and saved a ton of time. Literally 2,000 pounds of it. Now I have extra time and love… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
