“A brick could be used as a measurement of time. Yes, just think how stylish you’ll look with a brick duct taped… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to say hello to a friend I haven’t spoken to in forever. Forever is a long time,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m writing a book, one letter at a time. After thirteen days, I just finished writing “Once upon a time.” Since it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Order for Jarod,” she said as I walked over to pick it up. This was it, this was my moment. Rebecca has… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My trash can got stolen five times. Finally the owner just let me have it. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In middle school, I spent a lot of time with my buddy Edward. I called him Sex Ed, not because he got… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Courage is a commodity I sell in times of peace. But then my father was a chicken farmer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am going to think of you every time I don't have sex. So that'll mean I'll always be thinking of you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In these modern times, the only sensible thing to be is nonsensical.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m forced to shower in the closet, because my friend is wearing all my clothes, and he’s in the bathtub at the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can do what Olympians couldn’t do. Of course they couldn’t do it because they were infants when I picked a moment… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best time to complain is right after you’ve come up with a solution to the problem. Pose the questions, present the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be traded for a soon-to-be abandoned baby. Let’s build a better future together. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People don’t know I have a checkered past. I used to be a picnic table cloth.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I fear one day I’ll get a knock at my front door, and I’ll answer it to find myself standing there. Then… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You may scoff and say I only make ten dollars an hour, but if at the end of an eight hour shift… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I won't discuss non-discussable things with her, like the sound of silence or the vertical dimensions of an awkward moment. Those sorts… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There is no other furniture in the room. However, in the center of the room, the floor steps down and a four-foot… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One time a woman made my heart flood with love, and then fled the scene of the subsequent boating accident. Many people… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you could buy time, I would sell it. Yesterday would be expensive, and tomorrow would be cheap.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I always feel elfish around noonish, and selfish around 12:01. The best time to be in love is between those two points.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
