“Money, like a person whose first name is Money, shouldn’t be what you spend your time fantasizing about. And the same goes… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Reflecting on myself—it can be introspective, depending on if I’m standing in front of a mirror at that moment or not.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather count to one billion, than waste my time thinking I could count on you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a lot like coffee, I once thought as I suckled on a milky nipple. But I was one at the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a juxtaposition. And at the same time, I’m not. I’m always like this because I’m not always like this because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Everything I’ve ever done, ever thought, ever experienced, and ever felt, has led me up to this moment in my life. And… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The lights might have dimmed, but I blinked at that moment so I didn’t notice. I also didn’t notice her love, probably… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every time I eat an English muffin I feel like I become more grammatically correct, more refined, more cultured, and an all-around… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I could only read the word because of the discoloration on the wall from the accumulation of grime over time around the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With the interconnectedness of it all, the world is more fluid than ever. I blame it on the rain. Milli Vanilli was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Words failed me at the precise moment I thought I was passing my vocabulary test, and I can’t tell you how that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There is one tree in Gainesville I call "Grandfather" because it looks like a giant Bonsai tree. Well, that and I actually… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every morning I think: What’s the latest I can sleep in ‘til, and still be on time for work? Well, I used… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I hung out with my clones all the time, would I be introverted or extroverted?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I went through and underlined all the funny lines in his book, and by the time I was done, I had underlined… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The diner was more twiner than Twain, and I found a mustache in my soup. Maybe it was Mark’s. I guess that’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every time I see my cat licking its asshole I think about my ex wife. But that’s how nostalgia works, right? We… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A manmade waterfall that was half man, half waterfall would have a hard time going upstairs. Thank God for waterproof elevators!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m the most expensive person in my life. Every day I pay for the poor decisions of my past.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to live for a very, very long time, but it’s important that I take care of my body. When I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
The problem with Marxism is the proletariat isnt going to rise up against capitalism and consumerism. The only time theyll rise up… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I got married at a good time, though a better time would have been 20 years from now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I live 30 times faster and more intensely than most people, so every year is a whole generation for me. I’d like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
