“To me, a good friend is one who doesn't talk, but who listens all the time. Someone who is observant. Someone who… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only equality that exists on earth is time. We all have exactly 24 hours in a day. How we choose to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t charge you 99 cents for a book called 99 Cents For Some Nonsense, because that would make sense. However, I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m going to count to three, and if you’re not on number four by the time I’m done, I’m going to continue… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love spends more time washing its hands than it does pissing in the kitchen sink. Remember that next time someone locks themself… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You graduated 120 years ago? When I graduated I was just one of many in a large stack of love letters. Now… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For the time being I’ll be a being in time. And when I die, I’ll happily be compost for a greener world.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“After a few years of not talking, I tried reaching out to my father, but by that time he was already a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Water doesn’t shape like clay when you move it with your hands. I've spent a lot of time swimming, and none of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Please, allow me a moment to put my penis back where it belongs. I should never have taken it out of its… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I could go back in time, I'd love to whisper sweet nothings in Van Gogh's ear, but not while it was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Since the day I was born, I’ve spent my time being a human being, and I regard this as a good decision.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break),… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I can provide a witness who didn't see me at the scene of the crime. That witness can also prove they didn't… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice your absence. I notice your non presence and reflect on the time you were present, in the present, which is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I often laugh at a dog that chases its own tail. But aren’t there some people out there who spend a lot… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to foretell the future. Here’s my prediction: Tomorrow will happen. If I’m right, the brick was correct,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm running late, but there's always time to scribble weird messages in guest signage books. Also, am I really late? The Catholic… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think we should change the amount of time in each day. Sunday thru Friday should be reduced from 24 hours down… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Growing up, the only class I didn’t doodle in was Art class, because there I’d get to spend the whole time drawing.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Personally, I’ve been here since 1982, and I’d say it’s about time for breakfast.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Grow a garden. When there’s a food shortage in the future, you’ll need it. And when people try to steal your food… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My time at the pool went swimmingly. Better than a nude beach, because I was the only one who was naked.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
