“The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to alter the future. But so can setting your watch ahead five minutes. Trust me, I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We should kill the future, so the present has no choice but to retreat into the past.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I live for the moment and love for eternity. I mean I’d like to, but I’m too impatient for either.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it sounds sappy. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If the word "committee" were an acronym, the two "T"s would stand for time travel. How else can a group waste so… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Time is fluid, like the wide sky that fades into bright orange in a sunset in The Ozarks. Every moment is meant… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t know why she broke up with me. I was always there when she needed me. Well, aside for about 3/4ths… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“BearPaw Duck Farm tours are no longer at 4:00. Tours are now at 3:60, like a circle, which gives us more time… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve often been told I fight like a girl, probably because from the moment I whip off my bra, my opponent knows… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s times like these I wish I had a watch. It’d also be nice if it was broken. That would let me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a forward thinker with nostalgia. I dream of the past, and daydream of the future.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Mr. Best spent so much time eating grass that he began to think he was a cow. But that still doesn’t excuse… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I invented an invisible machine to help you get to sleep. It only works after your eyes stay shut for a length… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The past screams louder than the future. The future is mute, but it’s not deaf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish I had a crystal bowl to see into the future with. Every morning I would eat my cereal out of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I was a little boy, say 17 months old, I lived in the forest. I was raised by bears. We had… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like to meet people and pretend I’ll never see them again. I tend to value things more if I think it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Time flows like a canoe floats, and my love would fit in your purse if you’d just empty your money into my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I asked for the time, and she sold me a way to divide my attention into 12 equal parts. I asked her… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The fastest I’ve ever fallen in love is 17 miles per hour. But I was safe, because I was wearing a bicycle… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
