“My wife is younger. At one point, I was twice her age. Of course, I was six at the time.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like spending all my time making things with my hands. Mostly I make love to myself.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Amnesia is not the only time you’ll forget who you are. It’ll also happen the first time you see your own clone.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I remember my first cell phone number still. I may call it and ask to speak to myself from eight years ago.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Things can go three ways—left, right, or straight. If you stand on one side, either the left or the right, you will… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My bed’s comforter is yellow. It has to be to hide all the melted butter stains. I make love like microwave popcorn—only… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s times like these, in the middle of the night, that I wonder about the wisdom of nicknaming Florida “The Sunshine State.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m thinking ahead to how I’ll be thinking back to me thinking ahead in this moment.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He’s a winner and a millionaire four times over. Though I’m not a millionaire, I’ve at least won five times.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m about to cross a time zone, and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, maybe I can catch up… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every time the sound of one of my farts reverberates in a toilet bowl, I think of you. Could this be love?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s true, I almost hit him. And I would have too, if at the last moment he didn’t swerve out of the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Its what you do in your free time that will set you freeor enslave you.¨ — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My information is based on yesterday’s newspaper. But that’s OK, because I’m living in the past. It’s always two days ago to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some people work to live, and other people live to work. Then some people, like me, are both unemployed and alive (at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I pretend I'm from the 19th century. Then I drive around and say, Wow! So this is what the future's like,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a blanket, if you’re a roach or politician. Warmth can be so crushing at times. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t like breakfast—I prefer fixslow. I eat it like I devour your love, and it may take time, but we can… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Ah, the good ol’ days. I remember those days. That was before your time. It was before my time too, because I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I spent about eight hours deep in thought over whether to get divorced. That may seem like a long time to ponder… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I just bought some long-lasting deodorant. You know, for the afterlife. Eternity is a long time to have stinky armpits.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Everyone in the world ages at exactly the same rate and time. We’re all getting older in unison.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think it’s important to set goals for myself, goals for the future, goals that I’ll demand my clones achieve for me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
