The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I still think of myself as a newspaper guy and you live by deadlines in the newspaper world, so, they don't really… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I never stop running. I'm not one of the weenies who drop out just because the electoral college votes. I'm still in… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower body garments I own that still fit me comfortably are towels. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I've always found relationships, men and women, the fact that they are so radically different, and it manifests itself in so many… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This book is dedicated to Wilbur and Orville Wright, without whom air sickness would still be just a dream. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
'I'm sorry,' guys are always telling women, 'but I'm just not ready to make a commitment.' Guys are in a permanent state… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
One night in Tokyo we watched two Japanese businessmen saying good-night to each other after what had clearly been a long night… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Ford Falcon holds the proud title of Slowest Car Ever Built. In certain areas of the country you can go to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You can be the smartest person in the world - which Bill Clinton is, and if he's not, his wife is -… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
