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Shows Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

11 Shows quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

All Shows quotes Jerry Seinfeld’s page

Jerry Seinfeld’s observational humor shines through eleven brief quotes about shows, offering a crisp, everyday‑life perspective. This short collection works well as a quick laugh and a reminder of his knack for finding the funny in the familiar.

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I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.

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Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

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I only do a show when there's somebody I want to talk to.

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Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average…

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There are very few people who really appreciate my shows. People come to the show and they pay and they enjoy it,…

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Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio…

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I do not know why anyone would host an awards show. No matter how unbelievably well you do at it, the only…

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We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down…

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The only way a show works is you find people who you think are qualified and talented and you give them a…

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All magic is 'Here’s a quarter, now it’s gone. You’re a jerk. Now it’s back. You’re an idiot. Show’s over.'

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I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of…

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More by Jerry Seinfeld

“i chose not to run”

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We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when…

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I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.

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There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.

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We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when…

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I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.…

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I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And…

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Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band…

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This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with…

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If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience.

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People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.

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It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.

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A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.

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There are many things you can point to as proof that the human is not smart. But my personal favorite would have to be…

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You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way…

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