I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it. When the doctor slaps your behind, he's… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
There's no way that moving in with your parents is a sign that your life is on track. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it.... I think that the most you can… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I love energy. I love it. And I pursue it, and I want more of it. Physical and mental energy, to me,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
As a comedian, I found this thing, this profession, that suits my mind and life force. To drop it to do something… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I'll tell you one of the great activities is skateboarding. To learn to do a skateboard trick, how many times do you… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Kids don't say, "Wait." They say, "Wait up, hey wait up!" Because when you're little, your life is up. The future is… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
The greatest Jewish tradition is to laugh. The cornerstone of Jewish survival has always been to find humor in life and in… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
There is nothing more rewarding than completing a goal you have set for yourself. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
“we are all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf or skydiving. What matters is when the… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
There's a tremendous power and energy in sharing your life with another person. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I love advertising because I love lying. I think spending your life trying to dupe innocent people out of hard-won earnings to… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
