This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I do not know why anyone would host an awards show. No matter how unbelievably well you do at it, the only… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
The best piece of advice I received before I got married was, "Be careful what you say when you're in a fight,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
You know how your charger for your phone? It's like if you had a charger for your whole body and mind — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
What causes homophobia? What is it that makes the heterosexual man worry about this? I think it's because deep down all men… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same; so we might as well… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
You know I have been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you're a kid your brain can't even process the information. You're… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
The Internet offers opportunities that are more unique than ever before. With TV, I know I'm making 22 minutes; I know there's… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I think the answer is we all need a little help, and the coffee's a little help with everything — social, energy,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
See, the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don't know they're ugly… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
A movie is kind of like being the captain of a ship, which is nice, but when I perform by myself it's… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
What's the point of dating without games? How do you know if you're winning or losing? — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
With any kind of physical test, I don't know what it is, I always seem to get competitive. Remember when you were… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
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