What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents? — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
