Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you're in a science fiction movie. And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.' — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm tired of hearing about innocent victims. It's fiction, If you live on this planet you're guilty, period, f*** you, next case,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never took reds or Quaaludes to balance out the coke. So when it got to be four in the morning and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People can't seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. Ever. There is only a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It's nothing but a big stroke job in this country. The government strokes you every day of your life. Religion never stops… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
![“By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/800/george-carlin-155_albums_by-the-next-one-albom-occupation-foole-i_640899.jpg)
