New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“If you send more than one news van to cover Dancing with the Stars , then you have to change your name… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I always wanted to be a comedian, even when I was a little kid. I had a funny father who was in… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs - another blonde… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I think the news people no longer have any idea of what covering the news is. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
My father was a news guy, you know, he was in radio news. And so that was sort of in my DNA.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Rick Santorum beat Mitt Romney in three states on Tuesday. Got a huge amount of fundraising. That's the good news for Rick… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I have a theory that the Internet makes people stupider. And Also FOX News makes people stupider. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: News organizations have to stop using the phrase: "We go beyond the headlines." That's your job, dummy. You don't see… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There is good news. Scientists sent a probe down there in the Gulf of Mexico today and they found traces of seawater. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
People say to me all the time, "I get my news from your show." And that isn't the way they should get… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Jersey Mayor Corey Booker last night personally rescued a woman from a burning building. Or as Fox News reported it, 'black… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You're either a rationalist, or you're not. And the good news is a recent poll found 20% of adults under 30 say… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't know if you heard the news, but Wall Street now is a farmer's market. I don't want to say things… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I kid Fox News, but they may be a little biased. We had an earthquake here on Monday, and they reported that… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: All Fox News employees must now refer to President Bush as "my liege". If they are going to treat President… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
