New Rule Quotes by Bill Maher

14 New Rule quotes by Bill Maher

Bill Maher’s take on fresh guidelines lands in fourteen punchy lines that cut straight to the chase, offering a quick dose of his trademark wit and perspective.

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“New Rule: The Jacksons must trot out at least one family member who doesn't make us all ask, "What went on in…

Bill Maher

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New rule: Tulips aren't flowers. They're some kind of gay onion.

Bill Maher

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“New Rule: You don't have to put the cap back on the bottled water after every sip. It's water, not a genie.”

Bill Maher

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“New Rule: Any tattoo that has more than one line is too long.”

Bill Maher

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New Rule: The people of America who were most in favor of the Iraq War must now go there and fight it.

Bill Maher

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“New Rule: While you're telling me how your March Madness bracket is doing, you must also fill me in on your vacation…

Bill Maher

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“New Rule: Instead of killing 99.9 percent of germs, Lysol has to just go ahead and kill them all. Why spare the…

Bill Maher

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“New Rule: If you married a manic-depressive, three of your children died, and while you were president civil war broke out and…

Bill Maher

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“New Rule: 12 years after 9/11 and admits yet another debate whether to bomb yet another Muslim country. America must stop asking…

Bill Maher

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“New Rule: If one of your news organization's headlines is about who got kicked off Dancing with the Stars last night, you're…

Bill Maher

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New Rule: Someone has to tell Francesco Schettino that embracing a callous policy of "every man for himself" doesn't make you a…

Bill Maher

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“New Rule: People on reality shows have to quit saying, "You either love me or you hate me." There's actually a third…

Bill Maher

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“New Rule: America has every right ot bitch about gas prices suddenly shooting up. How could we have known? Oh, wait, there…

Bill Maher

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NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new study has shown that half of American…

Bill Maher

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More by Bill Maher

A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid.

Bill Maher

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I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the…

Bill Maher

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To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't…

Bill Maher

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Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.

Bill Maher

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You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,…

Bill Maher

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The food is out of this world!

Bill Maher

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New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the…

Bill Maher

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If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.

Bill Maher

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“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures…

Bill Maher

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I think religion is bad and drugs are good.

Bill Maher

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I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is…

Bill Maher

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“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives…

Bill Maher

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So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.

Bill Maher

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What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a…

Bill Maher

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“I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.”

Bill Maher

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