I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size). — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
