I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
He die one day, and then he go above of my head to live with your father." He weared the long hair,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
For as long as I can remember, my father saved. He saves money, he saves disfigured sticks that resemble disfigured celebrities, and… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I rejected the word humorist for a long time because I thought that it meant you had, like, a cardigan sweater with… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It can take years. With the first draft, I just write everything. With the second draft, it becomes so depressing for me,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
To spend your days in the company of naked men - that was the life for me. 'Turn a bit to the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Now I don't drink, and I get up in the morning and I write in my diary, and I can write in… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
