The Afghan government is as corrupt as a prostitute with a law degree. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Change is the law of God's mind and resistance to it is the source of all pain. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there's no law preventing you from writing a letter while… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things - a bachelor's degree, a law degree, and… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Every year law schools churn out thousands of lawyers. We don't need any more lawyers. We need more lawyers like we need… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I think Mayor Bloomberg should… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it.… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
You know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
