It was stupid behavior. And you take a look at the explosion, and it knocks you down and you wake up every… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
New York is great though. If you?re here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It's kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future - wait a… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Now there are reports that Osama bin Laden would like to commit suicide on television. This is the kind of lead-in I… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John Boehner - doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
When I became a Sigma Chi it was great, because they were the pople I enjoyed being with and I was very… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There's some kind of a thing where when she was Secretary of State she was using her own e-mail instead of the… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
People are kind of upset with British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward. Over the weekend, he was out on his yacht. And when… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There's a rumor that President George Bush had a nose job, that he had some kind of plastic surgery, that he actually… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
The Bush campaign for re-election has officially begun. They're actually running television commercials. Have you seen any of the television commercials? In… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
