This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
...Terry Jackson, who is the Miami Herald's automotive writer and TV critic. That's correct: This man gets paid to drive new cars… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
John Dorschner, one of our staff writers here at Tropic magazine at The Miami Herald, who is a good friend of mine… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
At certain times each year, we journalists do almost nothing except apply for the Pulitzers and several dozen other major prizes. During… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
As the saying goes: "If you're not part of the solution, you're a newspaper columnist." — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I hate to speak for the whole society, but I will. I'm a journalist, it's my job. There's been something of a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
France: As a professional journalist, I like the idea of a society where it is considered an acceptable occupation to basically sit… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
As a professional journalist, I am always looking for new ways to get paid for being motionless. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A critical function that we journalists perform at political conventions is to try to get into parties that we have not been… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Here in the news media, our focus is on speed. When we get hold of some new and possibly inaccurate information, our… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
For the benefit of those of you who have real jobs and are not involved in the news business, I should first… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
