Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My Instagram got deleted a lot of times. I used to do rough jokes and curse a lot. — Cardi B Copy Share Image
Beijing residents joke that to get a free smoke all they have to do is open their windows! — Lee Hsien Loong Copy Share Image
“Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Life's full of difficult choices…Call her back?...or Call of Duty?…decisions, decisions. — Arjun Loveable Copy Share Image
Yo mama is so hairy, she went to the zoo and the zookeeper said, Hey! We got a loose gorilla! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens' creme brulee. That's just a joke, for you in the media. — Ann Coulter Copy Share Image
There have been so many jokes, about sex and relationships on the "Brady Bunch" set. For some reason, tabloids picked up on… — Maureen McCormick Copy Share Image
On stage you look much larger than you are. You can have subtle changes of timing; how you place a punch line… — Sylvester McCoy Copy Share Image
according to the old joke, married people are often like little boys bathing, who cry with chattering teeth to the boys on… — Dinah Maria Murlock Craik Copy Share Image
When I was younger, I used humour as a tool to avoid getting too serious with people - if there was deep… — Matthew Perry Copy Share Image
It's easier not to make a particular joke in case it offends. But every joke will offend someone, and I've always believed… — David Walliams Copy Share Image
Her joke of a name aside, her general unprettiness aside, she was, in terms of permanently memorable, immoderately perceptive, small-area faces, a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I suspect that Jesus spoke many of his parables as a kind of sad and holy joke and that that may be… — Frederick Buechner Copy Share Image
I recently realized that I'm gender-fluid - I didn't even know that was a term until recently - but I have a… — Pandora Boxx Copy Share Image
Just how many sisters do you have? (Valerius) Eight. (Tabitha) Eight? (Valerius) What? (Tabitha) I'm just pitying whatever poor males lived in… — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
I did not survive everything. No one ever does. Little pieces of you - sometimes the best of you - get lost… — Carol Grace Copy Share Image
Sorrow comes with so many defense mechanisms. You have your shock, your denial, your getting wasted, your cracking jokes, and your religion.… — Emily Giffin Copy Share Image
There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He's always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no… — Cameron Boyce Copy Share Image
I'm not a jazz musician, because, I mean, firstly, I can't play anything. I'm not bad on the tamborine. I have a… — Michael Buble Copy Share Image
And I ask myself what it is about me that makes this wonderful, beautiful woman return. Is it because I'm pathetic, helpless… — Mohsin Hamid Copy Share Image
In all honesty I think, sometimes with the LGBT community, if you look at anything else surrounding it, there's always been this… — Radical Face Copy Share Image
You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A lot of comics just joke around, but it's just as important to get the truth out there. — Lisa Lampanelli Copy Share Image
Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes. — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
Tell people the truth, they laugh. The truth is so tragic they have to pretend it's a joke. — Lucille Kallen Copy Share Image
There were many times when I kept silent about being Jewish as I got older, when Jewish jokes were told. — William Shatner Copy Share Image
I love telling stories, telling jokes, making people laugh. I've got no plans to stop doing it. — David Alan Basche Copy Share Image
I scream, you scream, both of us scream because we are being murdered while eating ice cream. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Call me Meier," Goring said, but he did not pause to explain the joke . — Philip Jose Farmer Copy Share Image
Jokes are always better than promises. Because jokes are half meant, while promises are half lies. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I don't want to get audited by the IRS. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In some countries being president is just an honorary position --like being a husband in Hollywood. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
