David Walliams

I have always liked shows that have laughter in them.

— David Walliams

Definitely I love women, I love being around women, I find them incredible and intoxicating, and I've never had that feeling I…

— David Walliams

A bully can only make you feel bad about yourself if you let them.

— David Walliams

I have a pathological fear of being on my own. When I'm with my own thoughts, I start to unravel myself, and…

— David Walliams

I've just swum the length of the Thames. I feel quite tired.

— David Walliams

I was depressed as a child. I found it hard to make friends. My favourite thing was locking myself in the bathroom…

— David Walliams

“Alberta thought for a moment, and took a live mouse out of her pocket by its tail before dropping it into Wagner’s…

— David Walliams

Writing for radio really focuses the mind, because you can't rely on thinking "Oh, just pull a funny face at the end…

— David Walliams

There's something about being a comedian that means you have to not be scared of failing because failing is part of the…

— David Walliams

“nashin awa wi their een watterin. But naebody wis aw that freendly tae him. Naebody stapped for a blether.”

— David Walliams

People think writing a children's book is something you could do in an afternoon but it's actually really hard.

— David Walliams

I think most people that do comedy write for themselves. I don't think there is any other way you can do it,…

— David Walliams

No more watching that show Small England or whatever it's called where those two idiots dress up as 'laydees'. It's a bad…

— David Walliams

“One boy dropped his trousers and did an almighty—!” “I don’t need to know, thank you!” replied Stella, cutting the boy off.”

— David Walliams

“They may have only had one pence to spend, but their hearts beamed with gold.”

— David Walliams

I used to have a silk dressing gown an uncle bought in Japan and when I came downstairs in it, my dad…

— David Walliams

“You mustn't let bullies get you down.”

— David Walliams

I think all those rules are boring. About what people can and can't wear. Surely everyone should be able to wear whatever…

— David Walliams

I know some of my parents' friends think 'Little Britain' is in incredibly poor taste. But swimming the Channel? You can't really…

— David Walliams

“the last few miles of the Atlantic Ocean back to England with all of the jewellery hidden in her knickers. Granny”

— David Walliams

We've got 12-year-old boys dressing up as transvestites.

— David Walliams

There's a sort of magic and music to comedy. Some words, some numbers even, are funnier than others. A Caramac bar, for…

— David Walliams

Sometimes you meet people who can't swim. And I always think: 'Oh my God, that's extraordinary.' For me, it's always been a…

— David Walliams

“Adults always ask kids how they are doing at school. The one subject kids absolutely hate talking about. You don't even want…

— David Walliams

I don't get recognized much, and am very happy with that. The fans I have met have all been delightful.

— David Walliams