You kids have fun, and be home by Thanksgiving!" our parents would call to us on Halloween night, as we staggered out… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Everybody in New York, including police horses, dresses fashionably, and whenever I'm there, even in my sharpest funeral-quality suit with no visible… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There are also a number of humans living up there (Canada), and in many ways they have a lifestyle quite similar to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Many things have been written, including by me, linking humor and pain. Mostly, in my case, the humor part keeps me sane.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
