Humor Quotes by Kurt Vonnegut

“Billy Pilgrim has become unstuck in time.”

— Kurt Vonnegut

“The horse jumped over the fucking fence.”

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Potential terrorist is a terrorist”

— Kurt Vonnegut

Humor is an almost physiological response to fear.

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Low comedy, empty heroics and pointless death”

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Goodness me, the clock has struck- Alackday, and fuck my luck.”

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Me and Mike, ve vork in mine. Holy shit, ve have good time. Vunce a veek ve get our pay. Holy shit,…

— Kurt Vonnegut

Laughter or crying is what a human being does when there's nothing else he can do.

— Kurt Vonnegut

“And yet another moral occurs to me now: Make love when you can. It's good for you.”

— Kurt Vonnegut

The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death.

— Kurt Vonnegut

Humor is a way of holding off how awful life can be, to protect yourself.

— Kurt Vonnegut

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Only one English word adequately describes his transformation of the islands from worthless to priceless: magical.”

— Kurt Vonnegut

“They called themselves "The Febs," which was an acronym for "Four-eyed Bastards.”

— Kurt Vonnegut

“What is the secret of life?’ I asked. ‘I forget,’ said Sandra. ‘Protein,’ the bartender declared. ‘They found something out about protein.‘…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“I can still remember what I was like when I was sixteen. It was hell to be that excited. Then as now,…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“I can think of another quickie education for a child, which, in its way, is almost as salutary: Meeting a human being…

— Kurt Vonnegut

I'm screamingly funny, you know, I really am in the books. And that helps because I'm funnier than a lot of people,…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Humor is a way of holding off how awful life can be, to protect yourself. Finally, you get just too tired, and…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Laughs are exactly as honorable as tears. Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion, to the futility of thinking…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Find a subject you care about and which you in your heart feel others should care about. It is this genuine caring,…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“No wonder kids grow up crazy. A cat's cradle is nothing but a bunch of X's between somebody's hands, and little kids…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“The books he and his supporters wanted out of the schools, one of mine among them, were not pornographic, although he would…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“The troops and their ladies had first drunk champagne. There were also remains of sandwiches, and I stepped on one, which I…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“The Blue Fairy Godmother knew something about killing. He gave Lazzaro a careful smile. "There is still time for me to kill…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Love is where you find it. I think it is foolish to go around looking for it, and I think it can…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“The fortifications have never been attacked, nor has any sane man ever proposed any reason why they should be attacked. They have…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Bertrand Russell declared that, in case he met God, he would say to Him, "Sir, you did not give us enough information."…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Well finish your story anyway." Where was I?" The bubonic plague. The bulldozer was stalled by corpses." Oh, yes. Anyway, one sleepless…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Many years ago I was so innocent I still considered it possible that we could become the humane and reasonable America so…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“This country," said Eliot, "had tremendous research projects devoted to fighting odors. They were supported by individual contributions given to mothers who…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“The girl with the greyhound was an assistant lighting director for a musical comedy about American history, and she kept her poor…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Once I understood what was making America such a dangerous, unhappy nation of people who had nothing to do with real life,…

— Kurt Vonnegut

“A lot of the nonsense was the innocent result of playfulness on the part of the founding fathers of the nation of…

— Kurt Vonnegut

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

— Kurt Vonnegut

“A lamb was a young animal which was legendary for sleeping well on the planet Earth.”

— Kurt Vonnegut

“The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be…

— Kurt Vonnegut

I had made her so unhappy that she had developed a sense of humor. [-Rabo Karabekian]

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?”

— Kurt Vonnegut