“Secure victory before you celebrate. Only a fool dances before crossing the finish line first.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Money is flowing past you all the time like an invisible breeze. The trick is to get some to slide into your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Mounting anything on a plaque instantly transforms it from trash into an award. For example, a dry disposable pen goes from junk… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. Thats why I travel with a fishing pole, and erectile dysfunction medicine. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don't let my spaghetti dangle, or twirl it around my fork. I cut it. Of course, my preferred slicing utensil is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My ballsack contains Future People. I’m holding a Meet ‘N’ Greet this Saturday in Branson.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“College is a scam. Why go into debt to get no job when you could be unemployed for FREE?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Of all the things God created, from sunrises and rainbows, to black holes and humor, cats are the most fascinating to me. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
