Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: "Have you a good memory for faces?" I asked why… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?"… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
My uncle Jimmy took liver salts twice a day for 40 years. He died on Sunday, was buried Wednesday and the following… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: "Is this some kind… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner." — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: "We are two… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours."… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine? — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off? — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror." — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
