It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Another thing I take issue with are people who take their dogs on "play dates," or even worse, people who choose to… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I probably do the most for the gay and lesbian community, or LGBT, but I don't have one that I focus on.… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I have no idea why gay men love me, but I would have to assume it's because they know how much I… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second¦ or the fifth. Ill just… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“It was quite obvious that without severe behavior modification, this boy would grow up to be a serial killer.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
