Old people at weddings always poke me and say You're Next. So I started doing the same to them at funerals — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My penis should make me breakfast on morning. It is always up before I am. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Today's forecast; severe attitude warnings possible throughout the day, scattered sarcasm showers, and a strong chance of annoyance later in the day... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My sweet wife getting so upset watching Sunny Leone. Guess I should stop masturbating and see what's wrong with her. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
My boyfriend not allowed to spray Axe in public. I've seen the commercials them hoes come out. — Caitlin Copy Share Image
Always take your drivers license pic STONED, that way whenever you get pulled over, the cop will think you always look like… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice...What about having a hot friend on a cold… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when I'm wearing my Apple Bottom jeans and I can't find my boots with the furrrr. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
*During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move* Her: What are you doing? Me: Hush bitch, I seen this on Pornhub, its… — Kem Copy Share Image
Hey HOE *She Turns Around* Who You Callin a Hoe?.. Bitch You Turned Around! — Jerett Parker Copy Share Image
Person: So what are you going to be for Halloween? You: Well I was wondering if I could borrow the mask youre… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Ghetto people always naming their kids after stuff they cant afford; Mercedes, Bentley, Pearl, Child support. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Somebody needs to start a restaurant called, 'Chick-Fil-Atheist' that's only open on Sunday. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Illiterate People, If you read something...(probably just on Facebook) the correct past tense spelling is NOT RED The most you may… — LA Watts Copy Share Image
My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women are magic creatures: they get wet without water, bleed without being injured, give milk without eating grass, & can make boneless meat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I had a dollar for every time I gave a fuck, I would have $0. -Just Saying — Ephrem Hardin Copy Share Image
