If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, then we can be good friends. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You're so full of shit! If you're really so righteous, it'd be you in that thing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That painful moment when the roof of your mouth gets stabbed by a Dorito. — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome, but shit happens. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
R.I.P LeBron James Ringless Jokes 2003-2012 But, Welcome Hairline Jokes 2003-FOREVER — Kiana JWilson Copy Share Image
If you watch Jaws backwards; it's actually a film about a shark that throws up so many people that they have to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the MILKMAN says, Do you want it in the front or the back? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The difference between a woman on her period and a terrorist is that you can negotiate with a terrorist. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In movies when ever people go under the sea I hold my breath, I almost died in Finding Nemo. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I made sure it was nice & warm, demolished some of it & got tired of eating it so I swallowed the… — Syoung Copy Share Image
Honey, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate that moment when I thought my phone was charging, when it wasn't even plugged in!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm glad there will be an iPhone that's affordable to the sweatshop workers who make iPhones. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't be alarmed if I call you a whore d'oeuvre...it just means you look tasty hoe! — Nicole Hill Copy Share Image
I have a disorder where I stay up all night and eat ... Its called insom-nom-nom-nia — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like my women like I like my weekend - short, filled with liquor and gone by Monday. — Nishan Singh Copy Share Image
Your ass is like a wallet without cash, jeans without pockets... flat and useless. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wish my wife would blow me as much as she blows little things out of proportion. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've been divorced twice, at 33, at least I'm a successful failure! — Desmond Fouche Copy Share Image
I just saved a whole bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I saw the monkeys at the zoo it reminded me of watching political debates on TV — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, A sensible sort of a man -- he never thinks of romance and marriage; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A girl prepares your fridge football season. The woman just wants you on her tight end. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
