Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 22

Of course I'm eating a ciggarete. The sign says no smoking.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:I JUST NEED SOME SPACE Woman means:without you in it.

— Nikhil Saluja

In Kindergarten we called them cooties...in High School we call them STD's.

— Tanya Bianco

Whoever said I can't cooked has obviously never tried my cereals.

— Anonymous

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whoever said white men can't jump has clearly never played Temple Run.

— Anonymous

The kiss, a sweet discovery of oneself after a long search.

— Nikhil Saluja

Facebook said I cant be in relationship with myself

— Anonymous

It's kinda funny how in 2010 and 2011 people were freaking out about 2012. Now it's four months away from December and…

— Will Ferrell

If you're wrong and you shut up, you're wise. If you're right and you shut up, you're married.

— Itsme867

After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy

— Hussein Nishah

Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm really sorry I offended you when I called you a slut. I honestly had no idea you it was a secret.

— Pretty Ladii

Our deepest sympathies to Aaron Hernandez's fellow prison inmates on not getting someone as pretty as Tom Brady.

— Anonymous

It's not a day that don't go by that I don't thank God for waking me up to enjoy life and appreciate…

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe: Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

— Nikhil Saluja

Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date.

— Anonymous

I aspire to be the beautiful, together person my Facebook profile suggests I am.

— Anonymous

She became a lifeguard at the beach and kept the buoys in line.

— Nikhil Saluja

If plan A didnt work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Stay Cool.

— Becca

Rubix cubes are EASY…when you're color blind.

— Anonymous

Dear Facebook, Pretty Soon, They'll All Abandon You, Too. Sincerely, MySpace

— Toni Watson

The best feeling when u get out da shower & u can walk around ya spot nake

— IG:catone_2_funny

Laughing stock is really cattle with a sense of humor.

— Nikhil Saluja

I love how every time I get a text, it must start with 'Dear Customer'.

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when a GPS tells a gay person to go straight

— Unkown

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single FUCK THIS.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't do drugs kids. There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.

— Anonymous

I have a simple taste.. I'm only satisfied with the best

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE LETTERS, are best mailed in the waste basket

— Nikhil Saluja

Never argue with who types faster than u…:-):-P

— Amarjayan

After sending a risky text, one minute seems like an eternity...

— Becca

LOVE, Consists of happiness, given back and forth;

— Nikhil Saluja

The sight of a womans cleavage reduces a mans ability to think clearly by 50%…per boob.

— Nikhil Saluja

Fuck YOLO, live by F.I.S.H. Fuck it, shit happens.

— Seth Rogan

NASCAR : The most exciting sport for people who have never seen a fucking freeway.

— Nikhil Saluja

You dont want to know what happens, when the shit hits the fan

— Richie

Remember, ladies: mouthwash is still cheaper than an abortion.

— Nikhil Saluja

I dont own any stocks or bonds. All my money is tied up in debt.

— Nikhil Saluja

Snow looks beautiful until your parents make you shove it.

— Danish