Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 16

I just reported spam someone for having a bad haircut.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just spotted some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces.

— Patience

Hello bitch,i am rich can I rent ya pussy for 1 week?

— Sniper

Me:Im finally happy:)..Life:Oh damn, That can't happen. Let me throw something bad in.

— Anonymous

Presenting FACEBOOK: The place where bitches become FB gangsters.

— Anonymous

If I had something to hide I would carry a safe

— Kenzie-ann

He's waiting for me to reply, I'm waiting on my food to arrive.

— Anonymous

Gay people are such great dressers because they've spent a lot of time in the closet.

— Itsme867

I just got engaged. My fiancée won't take my name because Lisa Levin sounds awful. So she's just going to remain Lisa…

— Nikhil Saluja

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

— Oscar Wilde

Hitman: The one who kills people for money. Hitwoman: The one who doesn't know when to shut the fuck up.

— Nikhil Saluja

I got my passport application forms sent back. Apparently the question Place of Birth? Between my mothers legs isn't acceptable.

— Anonymous

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power - like God must feel when he's holding…

— Nikhil Saluja

Yest I climbed up a tree & read out a bird some of my tweets. She looked at me, shook her head…

— Nikhil Saluja

TOP 4 WISHES 1. To earn money without working. 2. To be smart without studying. 3. To love without being hurt. 4. To eat without getting fat.

— Unkown

Woman say:I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. Woman means:We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.

— Nikhil Saluja

I want someone to look at me, the way that I look at Chocolate Cake.

— Danish

When all else fails, admit I'm right and kiss my ass.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Roses are red, violets are blue. God made me beautiful, what the hell happened to you?

— Anonymous

Everybody out here getting pregnant and having babies that shit must be contagious

— Bigboyalweezy

I don't hate you, I just...never mind I hate you.

— Carlos Banks

Sorry facebook, twitter and I have a better relationship

— Mee

Twinkle, twinkle little star, who the fuck you think you are?!

— EwshyCrazyness

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, The only game that is never called on account of darkness;

— Nikhil Saluja

I just met a girl named Karma. She was actually really sweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I wonder how many miles I've scrolled my mouse wheel.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

Oh, you're a model? What's your agency? Instagram...

— Anonymous

Studying fungus is a way to mold young minds

— Nikhil Saluja

People who say cray instead of crazy, are just plain lay.

— Anonymous

HUSBAND, A person who never really becomes good, he is merely more proficient.

— Nikhil Saluja

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Three Things to Coltivate... Courage, Cheerfulness and Contentment.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh.. so your dating my ex? i ate a sandwhich earlier. do you want those leftovers too?

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when u run into a spider web and suddenly know kung fu

— Anonymous

Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe?

— Anonymous

My middle finger gets a boner whenever I think of you.

— Ted

I'm ashamed of what I've done for a Klondike bar…

— Jacqueline Roach

New Style Of Proposing. Wanna be My Facebook Password..? (^_^)

— Anonymous

I'm from the city were ya hustle determines ya salary...

— Bee Sniper