Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 15

My mistakes always learn from me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Just won a staring contest... With the wall

— Nikhil Saluja

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

— Nikhil Saluja

WRINKLES: Something other people have, Similar to my character lines.

— Nikhil Saluja

Just got this off the internet Rea da first bit

— Mee

Favstar is nothing but parallel universe for twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

Best invention ever; a mirror that takes pictures

— Becca

Atom Bomb: The invention to end all other inventions.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't think I could ever stab someone...I can barely get the straw in the Capri-Sun.

— Anonymous

Everytime someone tweet 'Love is in the air' I usually go & shave my balls.

— Nikhil Saluja

People staying in line for $300 sneakers...People standing in line for the club..but will those same people stay in line to vote?

— JORdinary_[Ws

I've always wondered why it's called a walkie talkie, yet a vacuum isn't called a pushy sucky?

— Anonymous

My wife always bring these injured animals to home. I think she should just stop driving.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nothing is sadder than a guy who complains on Facebook about how shitty his sex life is.

— Nikhil Saluja

I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: 'What do you do at a red light?' Me: 'I usually respond to texts and…

— Anonymous

How does a doctor feel when he loses a patient in the emergency room? The same way a child feels when he…

— Hussein Nishah

If I said It would take too long to explain. I really meant I have no idea how it works.

— Nikhil Saluja

Personnely I think that conservatives & liberals should move towards the middle of the road. Makes it easier to run'em over.

— Nikhil Saluja

Saying cray instead of crazy is just plain lay.

— Anonymous

Dubstep : A rap battle between the Autobots and Decepticons.

— Anonymous

I watch pom, you misread that didn't you? ;)

— Hudson T

Let me introduce you to my fists. Logic and reasoning.

— Nikhil Saluja

I can't listen to the radio. Every love song reminds me of you. It hurts.

— Nikhil Saluja

You're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!

— Nikhil Saluja

I accidentally bumped into my ex today...With my car...at 60mph...on purpose.

— Anonymous

Marriage paralyzes men from the neck up and women from the waist down.

— Nikhil Saluja

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

— Anonymous

Okay mom...you know I love you...but I can't accept your friend request on Facebook.

— Anonymous

Your Starbucks order is directly proportional to how complicated your personality is.

— Kevin

When youre good, youre good, when youre awesome youre me

— Hussein Nishah

My laptop is making weird noises I think its masturbating

— Amit Verma

When two dudes fight is it called bro-ke up?

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, Is like measles -- much worse when it comes late in life;

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not a NERD. I just don't want to work at MCDONALD'S when I'm older.

— Itsme867

Facebook lets you know what everyones bathroom looks like.

— Itsme867

Better to be thought stupid than to speak and remove all doubt.

— Nikhil Saluja

There's no 'we' in beer get the fuck away from me

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.

— Anonymous

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

— Anonymous