Funny drinking Quotes

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

— W. C. Fields

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

— Anonymous

It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most…

— Thomas de Quincey

Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will…

— Lewis Grizzard

I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking up in my car driving ninety.

— Richard Pryor

Why don't I drink from a straw? Because straws are for suckers.

— Abraham Lincoln

I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be…

— Chelsea Handler

Nobody cares that you're smart and nobody cares that your kids don't have bruises.

— Jim Jefferies

I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

— Red Skelton

Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer…

— Mark Twain

I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.

— Charles Bukowski

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.

— Gilbert K. Chesterton

I don't have a drink problem. But if that was the case and doctors told me I had to stop, I'd like…

— Oliver Reed

There's a thousand reasons why I shouldn't drink... but I can't think of one right now.

— Shemp Howard

I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.

— Adrian Rogers

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.

— Frank Zappa

God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.

— Ed McMahon

I like to have a martini, Two at the very most.

— Dorothy Parker

I blew the lot on vodka and tonic, gambling and fags. Looking back, I think I overdid it on the tonic.

— Stan Bowles

The British government has urged its citizens to abstain from alcohol at least two days a week. Or to make it easier…

— Conan O'Brien

The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.

— Dean Martin

There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren't as good as others.

— Raymond Chandler

If I have one, I'll have thirteen. No, there ain't no in-betwee. Cuz the more I drink, the more I drink, the…

— Blake Shelton

Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.

— N. F. Simpson