Lewis Grizzard

The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wiggle out of one.

— Lewis Grizzard

“Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

— Lewis Grizzard

Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy…

— Lewis Grizzard

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will…

— Lewis Grizzard

When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room, Will I Be Too Old To Care?

— Lewis Grizzard

The South is the last place with a sense of place.

— Lewis Grizzard

The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.

— Lewis Grizzard

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.

— Lewis Grizzard

I wish one time in my life I could do what other writers do... get me a villa in Spain and go…

— Lewis Grizzard

I went last week to get hypnotized. To quit smoking. And the hypnotist said, 'The reason you smoke is you're bitter and…

— Lewis Grizzard

Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is…

— Lewis Grizzard

If Love Were Oil, / I'd Be About a Quart Low.

— Lewis Grizzard

Things are more complex today, and I think humor has changed a a great deal. People are more sensitive today.

— Lewis Grizzard

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

— Lewis Grizzard

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

— Lewis Grizzard

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

— Lewis Grizzard

If you ain't the lead dog, the view never changes.

— Lewis Grizzard

In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't…

— Lewis Grizzard

When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?

— Lewis Grizzard

“Chilli dawgs always bark at night.”

— Lewis Grizzard

I don't know how I do it, but I've written about everything. I've written about my shoes.

— Lewis Grizzard

"Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't…

— Lewis Grizzard

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

— Lewis Grizzard

A little irreverence is always important to being a columnist. I try to do that.

— Lewis Grizzard

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

— Lewis Grizzard