“Ever since they invented Hello Kitty, the world hasn't been the same. You can safely chart the rise of The Culture of… — Celia Rivenbark Cute Copy Share Image
“As far as I can tell, the biggest side effect of a gluten sensitivity is that you actually become the number one… — Celia Rivenbark Food Copy Share Image
Who can fail to mist at Fergie's anthem, 'My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.' Hmmm. 'My lunch, my lunch, I… — Celia Rivenbark Anthem Copy Share Image
“Never invite someone who is speaking a foreign language in your presence to "Go back to your country." The only time that… — Celia Rivenbark Foreign Copy Share Image
I have several close friends who have run marathons, a word that is actually derived from two Swahili words: mara, which means… — Celia Rivenbark Close friends Copy Share Image
I don't have a college degree. I started working at 19 on a tiny newspaper. I've covered everything from weddings to crime… — Celia Rivenbark College Copy Share Image
And I reminded myself that it's easy to be grateful for the obvious blessings in life, much harder to be grateful for… — Celia Rivenbark Be grateful Copy Share Image
I'm what is known as perimenopausal. "Peri", some of you may know, is a Latin prefix meaning 'SHUT YOUR FLIPPIN' PIE HOLE'. — Celia Rivenbark Holes Copy Share Image
“I feel guilty looking at those "People of Walmart" photos you see on the Internet. It's not cool to make fun of… — Celia Rivenbark Confederate flag Copy Share Image
“I think it would be funny to have one of those family decals showing a really skinny teenage girl barfing into a… — Celia Rivenbark Curly hair Copy Share Image
Pecans are not cheap, my hons. In fact, in the South, the street value of shelled pecans just before holiday baking season… — Celia Rivenbark Baking Copy Share Image
“If you buy an SUV, you're buying your safety at the expense of someone else's." ... If you're driving a Hyundai, which… — Celia Rivenbark Humor Copy Share Image
“She suggested we 'crouch' buck nekkid on the bed or a dresser and leap out at him from the shadows. Now, my… — Celia Rivenbark Dark Copy Share Image
“While it may seem a bit antithetical to use quite so many "naughty words" in an etiquette book, I can assure you… — Celia Rivenbark Books Copy Share Image
“A friend confided to me recently that she wasn't sure if it was the 'change,' plain old PMS, or just a slow… — Celia Rivenbark Change Copy Share Image
“This phrase did not have the ring of verisimilitude because I am famously bad at math. If I'm in charge of tipping… — Celia Rivenbark Gratitude Copy Share Image
“I braced myself for something wise and useful. Dink, like most Bubbas, could be quite insightful and kind when you least expected… — Celia Rivenbark Humor Copy Share Image
“I'm fairly certain that, at this very minute, the [Mars Polar Lander] is floating somewhere around the Neptune feeling tired and cranky… — Celia Rivenbark Bunch Copy Share Image
“I don't define success by how much money someone makes. I don't define success by how many trophies or plaques or awards… — Celia Rivenbark Define success Copy Share Image
“ [Home Economics Textbook from 1950] : "Prepare yourself. Take fifteen minutes to rest so you'll look refreshed when hubby comes home… — Celia Rivenbark 50-s Copy Share Image
To the newcomer to the south, hearing that a coworker plans a weekend visit to 'mama and them's' (the correct plural possessive,… — Celia Rivenbark Coworker Copy Share Image
Sometimes, at parties, people demand I tell a joke. It's like pointing a gun at my feet and telling me to dance. — Celia Rivenbark Comedy Copy Share Image
She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart. — Celia Rivenbark Bless Copy Share Image
“Why clone cats when there's perfectly good Russell Crowe lying around?” — Celia Rivenbark Russell-crowe Copy Share Image
I'd sooner wear white shoes in February, drink unsweetened tea, and eat Miracle Whip instead of Duke's than utter the words 'you… — Celia Rivenbark Drink Copy Share Image
“My friends scoffed at my anxiety and said dumb things like, 'Fifty is the new forty!' Which just made me realize that… — Celia Rivenbark Aging Copy Share Image
“Severe isn't a word normally associated with a cold. Severe is for weather or third-degree burns...No one responds 'severe' when someone asks… — Celia Rivenbark Asks Copy Share Image
“Sophie and I would use her Christmas break to make homemade treats from our very own kitchen. I mean, if thousands of… — Celia Rivenbark Baking Copy Share Image
“I really loathe [the bumper sticker] 'Proud Parent of a Terrific Kid!' Why not a bumper sticker for the unlucky parents, something… — Celia Rivenbark Children Copy Share Image
Proper driving etiquette demands that you basically get close enough to a car in front of you at a busy intersection that… — Celia Rivenbark Busy Copy Share Image
“Okay, let's see if I got this straight. The butt is the new breast, and the lower back is the new ankle.… — Celia Rivenbark Ankles Copy Share Image
“This is the silliest thing I've heard since the cat yoga craze a couple of years ago. I went right out and… — Celia Rivenbark Humor Copy Share Image
“When I opened the last [401k] statement, I jumped out of the window. True, it was the kitchen window and I only… — Celia Rivenbark Economy Copy Share Image
“Scientists say that...gender bending may keep fish from reproducing because, with so many in sexual limbo, there's just no real push to… — Celia Rivenbark Kardashian Copy Share Image
Never marry something until you've established the perfect pizza ratio...The premise is simple. My husband and I knew we were made for… — Celia Rivenbark Dump Copy Share Image
“Jehovah's Witness are welcomed into my home...You gotta respect anybody who gets all dressed up in Sunday clothes and goes door-to-door on… — Celia Rivenbark Clothes Copy Share Image
“[Reverend James] Dobson says that the [Spongebob Squarepants] video would be watched by millions of elementary school students and includes a reference… — Celia Rivenbark Elementary school Copy Share Image
“ [Home Economics Textbook from 1950] : "Make [your husband] comfortable. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak… — Celia Rivenbark 50-s Copy Share Image
![“I'm fairly certain that, at this very minute, the [Mars Polar Lander] is floating somewhere around the Neptune feeling tired and cranky and looking for a Holiday Inn. Of course, you'd have to have a heart of titanium not to feel a twinge of sadness while watching those dejected NASA scientiest…” quote by Celia Rivenbark](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/fb9/celia-rivenbark-15261_bunch_i-m-fairly-certain-that-at-this-very-min_1449298.jpg)
![“[Home Economics Textbook from 1950] : "Prepare yourself. Take fifteen minutes to rest so you'll look refreshed when hubby comes home from work. Touch up makeup and put a ribbon in your hair. He's just been with work-weary people. Be a little gay. His boring day needs a lift." Mama Celia : "Get…” quote by Celia Rivenbark](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/3d2/celia-rivenbark-15261_50-s_home-economics-textbook-from-1950-prepar_298746.jpg)
![“I really loathe [the bumper sticker] 'Proud Parent of a Terrific Kid!' Why not a bumper sticker for the unlucky parents, something like: 'My Fifteen-Year-Old's in Detox and Not Speaking to Any of Us' or 'My Kid Robbed a 7-Eleven and is in a Center for Youthful Offenders.” quote by Celia Rivenbark](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/c89/celia-rivenbark-15261_children_i-really-loathe-the-bumper-sticker-proud_3109793.jpg)
![“When I opened the last [401k] statement, I jumped out of the window. True, it was the kitchen window and I only fell two feet, so the whole scene lacked drama, but I thought that was the required reaction to extreme financial turmoil in America. And I am nothing if not patriotic.” quote by Celia Rivenbark](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/75a/celia-rivenbark-15261_economy_when-i-opened-the-last-401k-statement-i_2917465.jpg)
![“[Reverend James] Dobson says that the [Spongebob Squarepants] video would be watched by millions of elementary school students and includes a reference to being 'tolerant of differences.' The nerve! Who does Spongebob think he is? Jesus Christ? Tolerance will not be, uh, tolerated. Oh, and…” quote by Celia Rivenbark](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/6d4/celia-rivenbark-15261_elementary-school_reverend-james-dobson-says-that-the-spon_2910992.jpg)
![“[Home Economics Textbook from 1950] : "Make [your husband] comfortable. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in low, soft, soothing tones, allowing him to relax and unwind." Mama Celia : "Place a pillow over his head and hold it there until he promises to do at least one…” quote by Celia Rivenbark](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/93f/celia-rivenbark-15261_50-s_home-economics-textbook-from-1950-make-y_2262615.jpg)