“Sophie and I would use her Christmas break to make homemade treats from our very own kitchen. I mean, if thousands of… — Celia Rivenbark Baking Copy Share Image
“Jehovah's Witness are welcomed into my home...You gotta respect anybody who gets all dressed up in Sunday clothes and goes door-to-door on… — Celia Rivenbark Clothes Copy Share Image
“Severe isn't a word normally associated with a cold. Severe is for weather or third-degree burns...No one responds 'severe' when someone asks… — Celia Rivenbark Asks Copy Share Image
“ [Home Economics Textbook from 1950] : "Make [your husband] comfortable. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak… — Celia Rivenbark 50-s Copy Share Image
I'd sooner wear white shoes in February, drink unsweetened tea, and eat Miracle Whip instead of Duke's than utter the words 'you… — Celia Rivenbark Drink Copy Share Image
“Why clone cats when there's perfectly good Russell Crowe lying around?” — Celia Rivenbark Russell-crowe Copy Share Image
“Carbohydrates from the Latin, carbo which means "yummy" and hydrates which means "cinnamon bun," are not something I can eliminate or even… — Celia Rivenbark Carbohydrates Copy Share Image
“Scientists say that...gender bending may keep fish from reproducing because, with so many in sexual limbo, there's just no real push to… — Celia Rivenbark Kardashian Copy Share Image
“This is the silliest thing I've heard since the cat yoga craze a couple of years ago. I went right out and… — Celia Rivenbark Humor Copy Share Image
“It would be easier if they named jeans for celebrities so you'd know exactly what you were getting without even having to… — Celia Rivenbark Celebrity Copy Share Image
She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart. — Celia Rivenbark Bless Copy Share Image
Sometimes, at parties, people demand I tell a joke. It's like pointing a gun at my feet and telling me to dance. — Celia Rivenbark Dance Copy Share Image
“[Reverend James] Dobson says that the [Spongebob Squarepants] video would be watched by millions of elementary school students and includes a reference… — Celia Rivenbark Elementary school Copy Share Image
Proper driving etiquette demands that you basically get close enough to a car in front of you at a busy intersection that… — Celia Rivenbark Busy Copy Share Image
“When I opened the last [401k] statement, I jumped out of the window. True, it was the kitchen window and I only… — Celia Rivenbark Economy Copy Share Image
“Okay, let's see if I got this straight. The butt is the new breast, and the lower back is the new ankle.… — Celia Rivenbark Ankles Copy Share Image
“I really loathe [the bumper sticker] 'Proud Parent of a Terrific Kid!' Why not a bumper sticker for the unlucky parents, something… — Celia Rivenbark Children Copy Share Image
Never marry something until you've established the perfect pizza ratio...The premise is simple. My husband and I knew we were made for… — Celia Rivenbark Dump Copy Share Image
