That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
You know, before I would think, my cab driver hates me. Now I think my limo driver hates me. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
I do know its important to keep the romantic spark alive in your marriage. But with four kids, sometimes it's enough just to keep… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
The first time I played golf was in Flushing Meadows, Queens, when I was about 16 or 17. They had an 18-hole pitch-and-putt. My… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
It was very nerve-wracking for me. I had to be drunk and have a threesome. I'm not that guy. Bobby Cannavale is that guy.… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
Anna would be just as happy with me if I were a plumber. As a matter of fact, when she married me, I was… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
People are going to see both of us and think it's an Abbott and Costello kind of thing. It's not an easy switch. It's… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
I've had people say to me, 'Look at the sky, the fields, the ocean, the beautiful sunset. Isn't that proof positive of God?' Following… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
Sex after one child shows down. After twins... ooh... I'll tell you what it is for us. I'll share it with you. Every three… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
My favorite band - and Bobby Cannavale and Terry Winter have already made fun of me for this - is Chicago. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
Each day it's like: 'How many more days am I going to feel young and vibrant? I feel young and vibrant now, but I… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
