Every backstory involves my father. I remember hearing Gary Oldman talking about backstories and saying, 'I got to stop using my father...'… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
People think living in your parents' basement until you're twenty-nine is lame. But what they don't realize is that while you're there,… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
My joke used to be about my father and Peter Boyle: that anything you see Peter Boyle do on TV, my father… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
You know, before I would think, my cab driver hates me. Now I think my limo driver hates me. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
I do know its important to keep the romantic spark alive in your marriage. But with four kids, sometimes it's enough just to keep… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
The first time I played golf was in Flushing Meadows, Queens, when I was about 16 or 17. They had an 18-hole pitch-and-putt. My… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
It was very nerve-wracking for me. I had to be drunk and have a threesome. I'm not that guy. Bobby Cannavale is that guy.… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
Anna would be just as happy with me if I were a plumber. As a matter of fact, when she married me, I was… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
People are going to see both of us and think it's an Abbott and Costello kind of thing. It's not an easy switch. It's… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
I've had people say to me, 'Look at the sky, the fields, the ocean, the beautiful sunset. Isn't that proof positive of God?' Following… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
Sex after one child shows down. After twins... ooh... I'll tell you what it is for us. I'll share it with you. Every three… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
My favorite band - and Bobby Cannavale and Terry Winter have already made fun of me for this - is Chicago. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
Each day it's like: 'How many more days am I going to feel young and vibrant? I feel young and vibrant now, but I… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
