Funny Quotes · Page 13

It's surreal to be hanging out on Ozzy's patio with him talking politics. It's so funny when people doubt that he's with…

— Jim Norton

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

— Steve Martin

“A man grows weary of having no lovers but his fingers.”

— George R.R. Martin

Told my mom, I can become the next Hitler if I drop out of school. She laughed hysterically for 2 hours. I'm…

— Nikhil Saluja

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

— Steven Wright

Your fear seems to hide deep inside your mind

— Irene Cara

Those who have suffered make the best comforters.

— Billy Graham

I've confessed to everything and I's liked to be hanged. Now, if you please

— Franny Billingsley

The road by precepts is tedious, by example, short and efficacious.

— Seneca the Younger

“I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one?…

— Ryan Lilly

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure…

— Elayne Boosler

WE RUN OUT OF CHICKEN!!....i was like WHAT ON EARTH!!!...KFC RUN OUT OF CHICKEN....what kind of KFC is this?.....

— Anonymous

I'm drawn to the funny brand of comedy.

— Kaitlin Olson

You haven’t done anything wrong. You just haven’t done anything, and that’s what’s wrong.

— Ben Feldman

Cursing like a sailor don't make you cool -Stephanie Mayfield.(:

— Stephanie

ITS FUNNY HOW YOU CAN MAKE SILENT HAPPINESS TO OTHER PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR NONE SENSE ACTIONS. BECAUSE SOMETHINGS IT MAYBE LITTLE…

— NO VOICE

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering

— Anonymous

One lion thinks it's just hilarious to tackle us. He's very funny about it... and we always know when it will happen.

— Tippi Hedren

I like residing in abstraction.

— Sufjan Stevens

People told me I shouldn't take everything too seriously, and I didn't listen. Now I wish I had, because I tormented myself…

— Anonymous

Social media, and the way the Internet works, you see a lot of funny things.

— Nicklas Bendtner

Knowing the cause of something is not going to help you to be free of it.

— Jiddu Krishnamurti

If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy…

— Dave Attell

A man who is not a communist at the age of twenty is a fool. Any man who is still communist at…

— George Bernard Shaw

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be…

— Bill Bailey